I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
where are my eyebrows?
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