So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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