so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
