Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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