susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
