I just made out with a guy for $7.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My cat gives me a boner
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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