You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
