Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
