I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
