I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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