Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
