Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
