false alarm. still invincible.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
