final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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