I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
