You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
