Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
