Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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