i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
