its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
