I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
