He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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