I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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