the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
