I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
