ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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