i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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