hotel room ftw
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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