Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
