she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
