I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
