Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
