Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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