I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
