then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
