Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
