I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
