I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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