I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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