I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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