he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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