it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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