life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
