How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
