I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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