You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
