Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
