I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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