Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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