Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
