I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
