JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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