There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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