Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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