Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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