bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
