this beer tastes like vomit already
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
