Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
