Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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