I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You pole danced in your parka.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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