you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
