How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
