WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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