Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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