when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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