Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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