the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I could fuck to npr.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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