failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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