Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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