Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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