just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize