she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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