OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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