Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
