Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
