I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
