Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
