Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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