you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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