i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
