yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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