I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize