I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
