I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
