And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
