Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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