there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
