so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Boobs speak an international language.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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