Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
