...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
