the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your penis caused this!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
