i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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