So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
