And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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