Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
