if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
