I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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