I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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