We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
