1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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