hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
