I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize